My Death Café is held on the first Thursday of the month at the Church Inn, Ravenoak Road, Cheadle Hulme, SK8 7EG. 11am – 1pm
Why a Death Café?
I’ll be honest, when I first came across the concept of Death Cafes I was torn. Personally I find the name a little jarring, I’m sure some of you do too. I thought a lot about it and these are my conclusions.
Firstly – these are groups that are held in 85 different countries across the world so I guess it’s a name that works well in translation. And secondly, well that’s the whole point isn’t it? To shake things up? To encourage conversations about a topic that has almost become taboo in today’s society. And to change the narrative so that the word ‘Death’ is not so uncomfortable and unsettling.
And what is a “Death Café” exactly?
Death Cafes are a ‘social franchise’ where strangers meet to “drink tea, eat cake and discuss death”.
The idea is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.
There are no objectives, agendas or themes for the discussion group and the focus is creating a safe, accessible and respectful space to talk about a subject that will affect us all.
It’s not a grief or bereavement group – although of course many people attending will have already suffered great losses in their lives and it’s perfectly okay to acknowledge and reflect on these losses in our discussions.
Dr. Kathryn Mannix, a palliative care Doctor and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, discusses in her book “With the End in Mind – How to Live and Die Well” how over the decades as medical science has improved, our experience of death had changed. We now die in hospitals surrounded by machines, apparatus designed to keep us alive, often without family or friends by our side. Death is kept behind a closed door. At one point in time years ago, it was the norm to die at home surrounded by our loved ones. People understood death and dying. This for the most part has completely changed.
Today, people’s understanding of what happens when we die is garnered by depictions of death shown on TV and in films. This is wrong. There is a process to death, just like there is a process to giving birth. There are physical changes and mile stones that we pass through, and if we take the time to learn what these are, death becomes so much less frightening and comprehensible.
I see this in my work as a funeral celebrant. Often people may have endured long illnesses, but have been so worried about how they will die that they refuse to discuss their desires and wishes for their funeral with their families. Often families are left with little idea of how to say farewell. They don’t know what their loved one wanted when it came to their funeral – which really should always be considered to be a celebration of their life. This is so sad.
As they say ‘knowledge is power’, but worry not I won’t be giving a step by step guide to death! But consider this, what is death? And why are we so frightened by it?
This is our time for some casual philosophical contemplation and we shall see where it takes us.
I truly believe since death is coming for us all, that we really should be talking about it more. And you are all very welcome to come along, it would be lovely to see you there.
If you would like to attend, please drop me an email hello@laurenhenshaw.com
And if you would like some further info on the elements and origins of Death Café you will find them here www.deathcafe.com
And a great article from the front page of the The New York Times:
Death Be Not Decaffeinated: Over Cup, Groups Face Taboo – The New York Times (nytimes.com)